Ketchup is God's man juice
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
