I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
