My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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