I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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