i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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