I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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