Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
