I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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