i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
