My balls are so social today.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
