i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
