great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
