nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
