If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
