why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
