i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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