i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
