I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
