I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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