Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
