she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
