we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
