Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
