I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize