soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My liver just had a heart attack.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
