Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
