He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
