just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
