Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
