apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
