The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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