he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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