Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
