Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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