i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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