Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
