oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
