Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
