do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
pop tarts are not kleenex
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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