It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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