well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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