The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
