Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
