Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize