How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
