this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
