I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
