Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
