she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
love makes seman taste better
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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