My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Congratulations! We have a period
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
