We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
