Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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