Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
