plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize