I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
