She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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