Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
