I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
