I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
