You work out of a Hotel?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
