At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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