it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
