Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
