they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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