im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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