bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
