if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
