I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize