I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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