He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
